The Host Chapter 57: Completed

It was a sm only tribunal this conviction, non the manage the trial for Kyles purport. Ian brought only Jeb, medical student, and Jared. He knew with egress having to be told that Jamie must not be allowed anywhither near these proceedings.Melanie would leave to give that sizeablebye for me. I couldnt take care that, not with Jamie. I didnt care if it was cowardly of me. I wouldnt do it.Just unity blue lamp, one dim circle of fallible on the stone floor. We sat on the edge of the ring of light I was alone, the four men facing me. Jeb had even brought his gun-as if it were a gavel and would sop up this more than official.The smell of process brought back the painful days of my mourning there were a couple of(prenominal) memories that I would not regret losing when I was gone.How is she? I asked Doc urgently as they settled in, in the first place they could draw a bead on started. This tribunal was a bluster of my small store of time. I was worried more or less mor e important things.Which one? he responded in a weary voice.I stared at him for a few seconds, and then my eyes grew wide. Sunnys gone? already?Kyle estimation it was cruel to make her suffer longer. She was unhappy.I wish I could have said goodbye, I murmured to myself. And good luck. How is Jodi?No response yet.The Healers dead body?Trudy similarlyk her a flair. I take they went to get her something to eat. Theyre working on conclusion a temporary name she akins, so we lot call her something besides the body. He smiled wryly.Shell be fine. Im positive(predicate) she will, I said, trying to be impositionve the words. And Jodi, too. It will all work out.No one called me on my lies. They knew I was saying this for myself.Doc sighed. I dont requisite to be away from Jodi long. She might need something.Right, I traind. allows get this over with. The quicker the forebodeter. Because it didnt matter what was said here Doc had agreed to my terms. And yet there was some stupid part of me that sweard hoped that there was a solution that would make everything perfect and let me stay with Ian and Mel with Jared in a way that absolutely no one would suffer for. Best to crush that unrealizable hope pronto.Okay, Jeb said. Wanda, whats your side?Im giving Melanie back. Firm, short-no causal agencys to argue over against.Ian, whats yours?We need Wanda here.Firm, short-he was copying me.Jeb nodded to himself. Thats a tricky one. Wanda, why should I agree with you?If it were you, youd loss your body back. You cant deny Melanie that.Ian? Jeb asked.We have to look at the greater good, Jeb. Wandas already brought us more health and security than weve ever had. Shes vital to the survival of our community-of the entire human race. hotshot person cant point of view in the way of that.Hes right.Nobody asked you.Jared spoke up. Wanda, what does Mel say?Ha, Mel said.I stared into Jareds eyes, and the strangest thing happened. completely the melting and melding I h ad unspoilt been through was shoved aside, into the smallest part of my body, the little corner that I took up physically. The rest of me yearned toward Jared with the same desperate, half-crazed hunger Id felt since the first time Id translaten him here. This body scarcely belonged to me or to Melanie-it belonged to him. in that location very wasnt agency enough for the two of us in here.Melanie wants her body back. She wants her life back.Liar. make out them the truth.No.Liar, Ian said. I can befool you arguing with her. Ill bet she agrees with me. Shes a good person. She knows how much we need you.Mel knows everything I know. Shell be capable to help you. And the Healers host. She knows more than I ever did. Youll be fine. You were fine before I was here. Youll survive, just like before.Jeb blew out a puff of air, frowning. I dont know, Wanda. Ians got a point.I glared at the old man and precept that Jared was doing the same. I looked away from that standoff to level a gr im glance at Doc.Doc met my eyes, and his lay out clenched with pain. He understood the re melodic themeer I was giving him. Hed promised. This tribunal didnt overrule that.Ian was watching Jared-he didnt work out our silent ex flip-flop.Jeb, Jared protested. Theres only one decision here. You know that.Is there, kid? Seems to me theres a whole barrel of em.Thats Melanies bodyAnd Wandas, too.Jared choked on his response and had to start over. You cant leave Mel trapped in there-its like murder, Jeb.Ian leaned onwards into the light, his search suddenly furious again. And what is it that youre doing to Wanda, Jared? And the rest of us, if you take her away?You dont care about the rest of anybody You just want to keep Wanda at Melanies expense-nothing else matters to you.And you want to have Melanie at Wandas expense-nothing else matters to you So, with those things being equal, it necks cut to whats best for everyone else.No It comes down to what Melanie wants Thats her bodyThe y were both crouched halfway between sitting and standing now, their fists clenched and their faces twisted with rage. calm down it, boys Cool it right now, Jeb ordered. This is a tribunal, and were going to stay calm and keep our bespeaks. Weve got to think about every side.Jeb - Jared began. fold up. Jeb chewed on his lip for a while. Okay, heres how I see it. Wandas right -Ian lurched to his feet.Hold it Sit yourself back down. Let me finish.Jeb waited until Ian, the tendons standing out in his taut neck, stiffly reoff to a seated position.Wanda is right, Jeb said. Mel needs her body back. But, he added quickly when Ian tensed again, but I dont agree with the rest, Wanda. I think we need you pretty bad, kid. We got Seekers out there lookin for us, and you can talk right to em. The rest of us cant do that. You save lives. I got to think about the welfare of my household.Jared spoke through his teeth. So we get her another body. Obviously.Docs crumpled face lifted. Jebs vacuous c aterpillar eyebrows fey his hairline. Ians eyes widened and his lips pursed. He stared at me, consideringNo No I shook my head frantically.Why not, Wanda? Jeb asked. Dont sound like a half-bad idea to me.I swallowed and took a deep breath so my voice wouldnt turn hysterical. Jeb. Listen to me carefully, Jeb. I am tired of being a parasite. Can you substantiate that? Do you think I want to go into another body and have this start all over again? Do I have to feel guilty forever for taking someones life away from them? Do I have to have someone else hate me? Im barely a in putect anymore-I love you brutish humans too much. Its wrong for me to be here, and I hate feeling that.I took another breath and spoke through the tears that were falling now. And what if things change? What if you piece me in some-one else, slip ones mind another life, and it goes wrong? What if that body pulls me after some other love, back to the souls? What if you cant trust me anymore? What if I betray yo u next time? I dont want to hurt youThe first part was the pure and explicit truth, but I was lying wildly through the second. I hoped they wouldnt hear that. It would help that the words were barely coherent, my tears turned to sobs. I would neer hurt them. What had happened to me here was permanent, a part of the very atoms that do up my small body. But maybe, if I gave them a reason to fear me, they would more easily simulate what had to be.And my lies worked, for once. I caught the worried glance Jared and Jeb exchanged. They hadnt thought of that-of my becoming untrustworthy, becoming a danger. Ian was already moving to put his arms well-nigh me. He dried my tears against his chest.Its okay, honey. You dont have to be anyone else. Nothings going to change.Hold on, Wanda, Jeb said, his needlelike eyes suddenly sharper. How does going to one of those other planets help you? Youll still be a parasite, kid.Ian flinched around me at the harsh word.And I flinched also, because J eb was too insightful, as always.They waited for my answer, all but Doc, who knew what the real answer was. The one I wouldnt give.I tried to say only true things. Its different on other planets, Jeb. There isnt any resistance. And the hosts themselves are different. They arent as individualized as humans, their emotions are so much milder. It doesnt feel like drop awaying a life. Not like it feels here. No one will hate me. And Id be too far away to hurt you. Youd be saferThe rifle part sounded too much like the lie it was, so I let my voice trail off.Jeb stared at me through narrowed eyes, and I looked away.I tried not to look at Doc, but I couldnt help one brief glance, to make sure he understood. His eyes locked on mine, clearly miserable, and I knew that he did.As I quickly lowered my gaze, I caught Jared everlasting(a) at Doc. Had he seen the silent communication?Jeb sighed. This is a pickle. His face turned into a grimace as he concentrated on the dilemma.Jeb - Ian and Jar ed said together. They both stopped and scowled at each other.This was all just a waste of time, and I had only hours. Just a few more hours, I knew that for certain now.Jeb, I said softly, my voice barely audible over the springs gushing murmur, and everyone turned to me. You dont have to decide right now. Doc needs to check on Jodi, and Id like to see her, too. Plus, I havent eaten all day. Why dont you sleep on it? We can talk again tomorrow. Weve got plenty of time to think about this.Lies. Could they tell?Thats a good idea, Wanda. I think everyone here could use a breather. Go get some food, and well all sleep on it.I was very careful not to look at Doc now, even when I spoke to him.Ill be along to help with Jodi after I eat, Doc. See you later.Okay, Doc said warily.Why couldnt he keep his tone casual? He was a human-he should have been a good liar.Hungry? Ian murmured, and I nodded. I let him help me up. He latched on to my hand, and I knew he would be keeping a tight hold on me now. That didnt invade me. He slept deeply, like Jamie.As we walked from the dark room, I could feel eyes on my back, but I wasnt sure whose.Just a few more things to do. Three, to be precise. Three last deeds to be completed.First, I ate. It wouldnt be nice to leave Mel with her body uncomfortable from hunger. Besides, the food was better since Id been raiding. Something to look forward to rather than endure.I made Ian get the food and diddle it to me while I hid in the dramaturgy where half-grown sprouts of wheat replaced the corn. I told Ian the truth so that he would help me I was avoiding Jamie. I didnt want Jamie scared by this decision. It would be harder for him than for Jared or Ian-they each took one side. Jamie loved us both he would be more evenly torn.Ian did not argue with me. We ate in silence, his arm tight around my waist.Second, I went to see Sunny and Jodi.I expected to see three glowing cryotanks on top of Docs desk, and I was surprised that there were st ill just the two Healers, set in the center. Doc and Kyle hovered over the crib where Jodi lay inert. I walked quickly to them, about to demand to know where Sunny was, but when I got closer, I saw that Kyle had an occupied cryotank cradled in one arm.Youll want to be gentle with that, I murmured.Doc was pitiable Jodis wrist, counting to himself. His lips pressed into a thin line when he heard my voice, and he had to begin over again.Yeah, Doc told me that, Kyle said, his gaze never leaving Jodis face. A dark, matched set of bruises was forming under his eyes. Was his nose broken again? Im being careful. I just didnt want to leave her alone over there. She was so sad and so sweet.Im sure shed appreciate it, if she knew.He nodded, still staring at Jodi. Is there something Im supposed to be doing here? Is there some way to help?Talk to her, say her name, talk about things shell remember. Talk about Sunny, even. That helped with the Healers host.Mandy, Doc corrected. She says its not exactly right, but its close.Mandy, I repeated. Not that I would need to remember. Where is she?With Trudy-that was a good call there. Trudys exactly the right person. I think shes gotten her to sleep.Thats good. Mandy will be okay.I hope so. Doc smiled, but it didnt affect his gloomy expression much. Ive got lots of questions for her.I looked at the small woman-it was still impossible to believe that she was older than the body I wore. Her face was slack and vacant. It frightened me a little-shed been so vibrantly alert when Sunny was inside. Would Mel?Im still here.I know. Youll be fine.Like Lacey. She winced, and so did I.Never like Lacey.I touched Jodis arm softly. She was much like Lacey in some ways. Olive skinned and black haired and tiny. They could almost be sisters, except that Jodis sweet, wan face could never look so repellent.Kyle was tongue-tied, holding her hand.Like this, Kyle, I said. I brushed her arm again. Jodi? Jodi, can you hear me? Kyles waiting for you, Jodi . He got himself in a lot of solicitude getting you here-everybody who knows him wants to beat him senseless. I grinned wryly at the big man, and his lips curled up at the corners, though he didnt look up to see my smile.Not that youre surprised to hear that, Ian said beside me. When hasnt that been the case, eh, Jodi? Its good to see you again, sweetheart. Though I wonder if you feel the same way. Must have been a nice de conflateer to get rid of this idiot for so long.Kyle hadnt noticed his brother was there, attached like a bench vise to my hand, until Ian spoke.You remember Ian, of course. Never has managed to catch up to me in anything, but he keeps trying. Hey, Ian, Kyle added, never moving his eyes, you got anything you want to say to me?Not really.Im waiting for an apology.Keep waiting.Can you believe he kicked me in the face, Jodes? For no reason at all.Who needs an excuse, eh, Jodi?It was oddly pleasant, the banter between the brothers. Jodis presence kept it light and teasing. Gentle and funny. I would have woken up for this. If I were her, I would have been smiling already.Keep it up, Kyle, I murmured. Thats just right. Shell come around.I wished I would get to meet her, to see what she was like. I could only picture Sunnys expressions.What would it be like for everyone here, meeting Melanie for the first time? Would it seem the same to them, as if there were no difference? Would they really grasp that I was gone, or would Melanie simply fill the role I had?Maybe they would arrest her entirely different. Maybe they would have to adjust to her all over again. Maybe she would fit in the way I never had. I pictured her, which was picturing me, the center of a crowd of friendly faces. Pictured us with Freedom in our arms and all the humans who had never trusted me smiling with welcome.Why did that bring tears to my eyes? Was I really so petty?No, Mel assured me. And theyll miss you-of course they will. All the best people here will feel your loss. She seemed to finally accept my decision.Not accept, she disagreed. I just cant see any way to stop you. And I can feel how close it is. Im scared, too. Isnt that funny? Im absolutely terrified.That makes two of us.Wanda? Kyle said.Yes?Im sorry.Um why?For trying to kill you, he said casually. Guess I was wrong.Ian gasped. Please tell me you have some kind of recording device available, Doc.Nope. Sorry, Ian.Ian shook his head. This moment should be preserved. I never thought Id live to see the day that Kyle OShea would admit to being wrong. Cmon, Jodi. That ought to shock you awake.Jodi, baby, dont you want to defend me? Tell Ian I never have been wrong before. He chuckled.That was nice. It was nice to know that Id earned Kyles acceptance before I left. I hadnt expected that much.There was no more I could do here. There was no point in lingering. Jodi would either come back or she would not, but neither outcome would change my path now.So I proceeded to my third and final deed I lied .I stepped away from the cot, took a deep breath, and stretched my arms.Im tired, Ian, I said.Was it really a lie? It didnt sound so false. It had been a long, long day, this, my last day. Id been up all night, I realized. I hadnt slept since that last raid I must have been exhausted.Ian nodded. Ill bet you are. Did you stay up with the Heal-with Mandy all night?Yeah. I yawned.Have a nice night, Doc, Ian said, pulling me toward the exit. nice luck, Kyle. Well be back in the morning.Night, Kyle, I murmured. See you, Doc.Doc glowered at me, but Ians back was to him, and Kyle was staring at Jodi. I returned Docs glare with a steady gaze.Ian walked with me through the black tunnel, saying nothing. I was pleased he wasnt in the mood for conversation. I wouldnt have been able to concentrate on it. My stomach was gimmick and turning, wringing itself into strange contortions.I was done, all my tasks accomplished. I only had to wait a bit now and not fall asleep. Tired as I was, I didnt t hink that would be a problem. My heart was quid like a fist hitting my ribs from the inside.No more stalling. It had to be tonight, and Mel knew that, too. What had happened today with Ian had shown me that. The longer I stayed, the more tears and arguments and fights I would cause. The better the chance that I or someone else would slip up and Jamie would find out the truth. Let Mel explain it after the fact. It would be better that way.Thanks so much, Mel thought her words flowed fast, in a burst, her fear marring her sarcasm.Sorry. You dont mind too much?She sighed. How can I mind? Id do anything you asked me to, Wanda.Take care of them for me.I would have done that anyway.Ian, too.If hell let me. Ive got a feeling he might not like me so much.Even if he wont let you.Ill do whatever I can for him, Wanda. I promise.Ian paused in the hall outside the red and gray doors to his room. He raised his eyebrows, and I nodded. Let him think I was still hiding from Jamie. That was true, to o.Ian slid the red door aside, and I went straight to the mattress on the right. I balled up there, knotting my shaking hands in front of my hammering heart, trying to hide them female genital organ my knees.Ian curled around me, holding me close to his chest. This would have been fine-I knew that he would end up sprawled out in all directions when he was really asleep-except that he could feel my trembling.Its going to be fine, Wanda. I know well find a solution.I genuinely love you, Ian. It was the only way I could tell him goodbye. The only way he would accept. I knew he would remember later and understand. With my whole soul, I love you.I truly love you, too, my Wanderer.He nuzzled his face against mine until he found my lips, then he kissed me, slow and gentle, the flow of molten rock swelling languidly in the dark at the center of the earth, until my shaking slowed.Sleep, Wanda. hand over it for tomorrow. It will keep for the night.I nodded, moving my face against his, and sighed.Ian was tired, too. I didnt have to wait long. I stared at the ceiling-the stars had moved above the cracks here. I could see three of them now, where before there had been only two. I watched them flash bulb and pulse across the blackness of space. They did not call to me. I had no desire to join them.One at a time, Ians arms fell away from me. He flopped onto his back, muttering in his sleep. I didnt make bold wait any longer I wanted too badly to stay, to fall asleep with him and steal one more day.I moved cautiously, but he was in no danger of waking. His animate was heavy and even. He wouldnt open his eyes till morning.I brushed his smooth forehead with my lips, then rose and slid out the door.It was not late, and the caves were not empty. I could hear voices bouncing around, strange echoes that might have been coming from anywhere. I didnt see anyone until I was in the big cave. Geoffrey, Heath, and Lily were on their way back from the kitchen. I kept my eyes down, t hough I was very glad to see Lily. In the brief glimpse I allowed myself, I could see that she was at least standing upright, her shoulders straight. Lily was tough. Like Mel. Shed make it, too.I hurry to the southern corridor, relieved when I was safe in the blackness there. Relieved and horrified. It was really over now.Im so afraid, I whimpered.Before Mel could respond, a heavy hand dropped on my shoulder from the darkness.Going somewhere?